I've been reading quite a lot, I find. It offers me a release from my cares. I am immersed in other worlds, other times, other sufferings than mine - and for a while, I cease to exist. Not entirely, but it sort of feels that way. My gnawing suffering is kept at bay, and for a while after finishing a book, I can even function with something close to normalcy. It's a residual effect of my escapism I suppose. There it is - I've acknowledged it.
I've always been a voracious reader, but the past few days have seen me go through books at an alarming rate - even for me. And the way I get irritated by the demands of my real life - take a shower, do the dishes, go to work, eat - is not normal.
This cannot last. I need to stop escaping my realities by getting drawn into others. It is definitely easier than looking my problems in the eye and building my life around the new paradigm. Oh... just how much easier!!
But it has to stop. Now. I've set a number of hours per day that I can have to myself - to escape. It can't be all tragedy, I'd really go mad then. But no more neglect. I'll finish all the house-work, correspond with my friends and family (calls, emails, whatever it may be) and then, only then, allow myself this release. I will not stay home anytime just because I'm too depressed to get out of bed.
I will drag myself to work. Once I'm there and I start working, it usually gets better. No more slacking off.
There, that's enough resolution for now. It will tax my will-power to the utmost to accomplish these things, insignificant as they would seem to someone who is not me. But I must - I don't want my loved ones to see the pain I'm in and suffer themselves. Besides, self-pity never got anyone anywhere. Ever.
(Oh. One more thing. Ink pens are so much better when you want to put down your thoughts.)
I've always been a voracious reader, but the past few days have seen me go through books at an alarming rate - even for me. And the way I get irritated by the demands of my real life - take a shower, do the dishes, go to work, eat - is not normal.
This cannot last. I need to stop escaping my realities by getting drawn into others. It is definitely easier than looking my problems in the eye and building my life around the new paradigm. Oh... just how much easier!!
But it has to stop. Now. I've set a number of hours per day that I can have to myself - to escape. It can't be all tragedy, I'd really go mad then. But no more neglect. I'll finish all the house-work, correspond with my friends and family (calls, emails, whatever it may be) and then, only then, allow myself this release. I will not stay home anytime just because I'm too depressed to get out of bed.
I will drag myself to work. Once I'm there and I start working, it usually gets better. No more slacking off.
There, that's enough resolution for now. It will tax my will-power to the utmost to accomplish these things, insignificant as they would seem to someone who is not me. But I must - I don't want my loved ones to see the pain I'm in and suffer themselves. Besides, self-pity never got anyone anywhere. Ever.
(Oh. One more thing. Ink pens are so much better when you want to put down your thoughts.)
No comments:
Post a Comment